ANNIE 
And I can see a great big bowl of dog food and on the bowl it says a name. 
It says... Charley! It must be tea-time, Charley!

BRIDGET 
Guess what?

ANNIE 
Ooh, you've just met Brad Pitt.

BRIDGET 
What? Don't be ridiculous, Annie. I've just been to see Rose Marie.

ANNIE 
Who's Rose Marie?

BRIDGET 
My fortune teller, and she says I'm going to meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger!

ANNIE 
Oooh! When?

BRIDGET 
She didn't say.

ANNIE 
Where?

BRIDGET 
She didn't say.

ANNIE 
It must be true then.

BRIDGET 
Maybe I'll meet him at tonight's Halloween party. 
Ooh, have you read your horoscopes for today?

ANNIE 
No.

BRIDGET 
Read mine.

ANNIE 
Aquarius, Libra, Leo - ah! Taurus, the Bull. 
"Taurus: Today you will be in for a big surprise."

BRIDGET 
Oh, goodie!

Banging noise/sound of screaming

BRIDGET 
I'm getting a name. It's. . . Nick.
NICK 
Ooh, Gigi, you must be psychic! Oww!

HECTOR 
Sidekick?

NICK 
No, not sidekick - psy-chic - a fortune teller.

ANNIE 
Someone who can see the future.

HECTOR 
Ah, like Nostradamus.

ANNIE 
Er...

NICK 
Who?

ANNIE 
Kind of  .. like horoscopes or Tarot.

NICK 
Ah, Tarot! The Death card. Look! It's Bridget with no make-up.

Sound of laughter

ANNIE 
Like having the palm of your hand read.

NICK 
Nah, rubbish. There's nothing there.

BRIDGET 
What a surprise. Come here, give me your hand. I'll give you a lesson. 
This one is your life line.

NICK 
Oooohhhh.....

BRIDGET 
This one is your lurve line.

NICK 
Oh yes!

BRIDGET 
And this one is your...

NICK 
Oooff!

BRIDGET 
....punch line!

NICK 
Aww!

HECTOR 
Punch line?

 

NICK 
She means it's the end of my lesson. 
Hey, Hector! What happens when you go to a fortune teller's house?

Sound of atmospheric harp music

HECTOR 
Come in!

BRIDGET 
Ha-ha. Let's see what your horoscope says.

NICK 
Aw, you don't believe all that rubbish, do you?

ANNIE 
Rose Marie says that Bridget is going to meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger.

BRIDGET 
Hector?

ANNIE 
Bridget, this is my tall, dark, handsome stranger. Get your own.

NICK 
Who is Rose Marie?

BRIDGET 
My fortune teller.

NICK 
Oh! 
Is she good-looking? Could she find me a cute babe?

BRIDGET 
Do you want to hear your horoscope or not?

NICK 
Go on then. Aquarius.

BRIDGET 
Aquarius, eh? I should've guessed. "This week beware of black hair and the number 3."

NICK 
Oooohhh. That means that three babes with black hair are going to chase me. Spooky!!

HECTOR 
Oh, can I be Aquarius?

ANNIE 
No!

NICK 
Go on, Hector. Let's go out. I'm gonna meet some black-haired babes.

BRIDGET 
Put that umbrella down. It's very unlucky.

NICK 
But I'm feeling lucky! Oww! Ooh!

BRIDGET 
Ooh, I wish I could meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger.
ANNIE 
Well, let me look into my crystal ball.

BRIDGET 
Annie, that's a goldfish bowl.

ANNIE 
So? I got it right for Charley, didn't I, Charley.

Sound of knocking on door

BRIDGET 
Ooh! That'll be my stranger now! Oh, hello, Bernard.

ANNIE 
Hello, Bernard, how are you?

BERNARD 
Not happy. Not happy at all. I've lost my marbles.

BRIDGET 
Oh dear. Bernard's lost his marbles.

ANNIE 
What? Oh! You mean Marbles, your cat!

BERNARD 
And she's not well. She's got a cold.

ANNIE 
Oh well, I'm sure you'll find her. We'll look out for her, Bernard.

BERNARD 
I hope so. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

ANNIE 
Poor Bernard.

BRIDGET 
He's lost his marbles. Well it had to happen!

ANNIE [Composing email] 
Today is Hallowe’en and I'm practising my psychic skills. 

ANNIE
And on the bowl it says a name. It says … Charley!

ANNIE [Composing email]
Bridget has been to see Rose Marie, her fortune teller, 
who told her she would meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger.

BRIDGET 
Hello, Bernard.

ANNIE [Composing email] 
Then Bernard knocked on the door! Poor Bernard said he had lost his cat, Marbles.

BRIDGET 
Oh dear! Bernard's lost his marbles!

ANNIE [Composing email] 
Anyway, tonight we are all going to a Halloween party. I can't wait!

NICK [Composing email] 
Bridget read my horoscope today.

NICK
Ah, you don’t believe all that rubbish, do you?

NICK [Composing email]
It said ‘Beware of black hair and the number three!’

NICK
Oooh!

NICK [Composing email]
I think it means three black haired babes …

NICK
… Are going to chase me! Spooky!

NICK [Composing email]
I don’t have to beware of them, do I?

NICK & HECTOR
Oww!!

HECTOR 
This is a true story about a man and wife on their honeymoon. 
They were in the car. It was late. 
The wife broke her mirror, which means seven years' bad luck. 
Just then, they ran out of petrol, so the man told the wife to go for petrol.

ANNIE 
He's the man. He should've gone.

HECTOR 
Equal opportunities. The wife was gone for a long time. 
Then boom, boom, boom. He heard a noise on the roof of the car. 
It got louder - boom, boom - and then his wife appeared. 
She smiled and walked away. The noise was very loud now. 
The man got out of his car and standing on the roof he saw a madman holding his wife's head!

NICK, BRIDGET & ANNIE
Ahhh!

NICK 
So the banging was...

ANNIE 
Her head?!

BRIDGET
But he’d just seen his wife!

HECTOR 
That... was her ghost!

NICK, BRIDGET & ANNIE
Ohhh!

ANNIE 
Is that a true story?

HECTOR 
Yeah.


BRIDGET 
Tell us another!

NICK 
No, don't! I mean, it was a bit dull, wasn't it?

ANNIE 
Right, come on, let's go shopping for the party.

BRIDGET 
Yeah! I'm in the mood now.

HECTOR 
Are you coming, Nick?

NICK 
What? Oh, er, no. See you later. 
One, two.... "Beware of black hair...." Three ... ... "...and the number 
3." Hah! So what? There are three apples - hah! Big deal. 
Arrrgghh! "It's seven years of bad luck. Bad luck." 
What rubbish! I think I'll go back to my apartment now. 
Black cat. Black hair. Right, keep calm. Nice pussy!

Spooky sounds from TV programme

NICK
Who’s there? “Beware number three.” Aaargghh! Stop!

BRIDGET, HECTOR & ANNIE
Nick! Nick! Nick!

NICK 
What?

ANNIE 
He's coming round.

NICK 
Ahh! Ahh! What's going on? Why are you dressed like that?

ANNIE 
Nick! Have you forgotten? It's Hallowe’en. 
We're going to the party.

NICK 
Oh yeah.

HECTOR 
I cannot get this knife into the pumpkin. Can you?

NICK 
OK.

CHILDREN
Trick or treat!

ANNIE 
Treat! There you are.

CHILDREN
Thank you.

ANNIE

Oh, aren't they sweet.

NICK 
Yeah, sweet.

ANNIE [Composing email] 
Hector told us a ghost story today. It was scary.

HECTOR 
This is a true story about a man and wife on their honeymoon.

ANNIE [Composing email] 
One night, a honeymoon couple broke down in their car. 
The wife went to get the petrol, but only her ghost returned. 
Oooohhhhh! We're having great fun this Hallowe’en!

NICK [Composing email] 
Hector told us a stupid ghost story. Nothing scares me!

NICK
I think I’ll go back to my apartment now!

NICK [Composing email]
Bridget said, ‘Beware of the number three.’ Hmm! 
Then I saw three apples.

NICK
One, two, three apples. Ohhhh! [Sound of breaking glass]

NICK [Composing email]
And three children playing ‘trick or treat’.

CHILDREN
Trick or treat!

NICK [Composing email]
I even saw a black cat. It’s all too much!

Sound of thunder

Sound of laughter

NICK
Those witches were very cute! I think the small one fancied you!

HECTOR 
Do you think so?

NICK 
Yeah!

BRIDGET 
Boys, they weren't pretending. 
They really were witches.

HECTOR 
Oh.

ANNIE 
They were ugly enough.

HECTOR 
Ho-ho.

ANNIE 
Hey! The lights have gone out.
BRIDGET 
It must be the storm. A power cut!

NICK 
What was that?

HECTOR 
Who was that?

NICK & HECTOR
Aaaarrggghhhh!

ANNIE 
Bernard! What are you doing on the roof?

BERNARD
I still can't find my Marbles.

HECTOR 
Your marbles?

BRIDGET 
His cat.

ANNIE 
Bernard, I really don't think that you should be on the roof.

BERNARD 
Ohhhh!

ANNIE 
Bernard? Bernard, are you OK?

BERNARD 
Yeah, I'm fine. I'll kill that cat when I find it!

ANNIE 
I know! We'll light a candle. Well, there's no television, so I guess it's time for bed.

NICK & HECTOR
Oh no!

BRIDGET 
What's the matter, boys? Are you scared of the dark?

NICK & HECTOR
No.

ANNIE 
Well, if you're not scared of the dark, then let's play a game.

HECTOR 
A game?

BRIDGET 
Let's get the ouija board out!

NICK 
Ohhh....

HECTOR 
B - That's you, Bridget.

NICK 
Ohhh.... ... ... ..... N!

HECTOR 
That's you, Nick! Bridget fancies Nick!

BRIDGET 
Oh, don't be so childish. Give that to me. It's getting warm. 
I can feel... it's starting to move!

ANNIE
H – that’s you,  Hector.

BRIDGET & ANNIE
D-E-P-A-R-T

HECTOR 
Deep art. Depart. Depart? But I am not leaving.

NICK 
Depart. 'Dearly departed' means 'dead'.

Sound of loud thunderclap/screams

HECTOR 
That's it! I am leaving!

ANNIE 
Hector, sit down.

HECTOR 
Aw, you are moving the glass, Bridget.

BRIDGET 
No, I'm not. N - I think it's for you, Nick.

NICK 
Oh great. It'll be about babes. 3? Three what?

BRIDGET 
Didn't your horoscope say "Beware of the number 3"?

ANNIE
Oh yeah!

NICK 
You don't believe that rubbish, do you?

BRIDGET 
Of course I do. Don't you?

HECTOR 
Oh!

BRIDGET 
Oh!

HECTOR 
Oh!

ANNIE 
Oh! Well, the lights are back on.

 

HECTOR 
I'm tired.

BRIDGET 
Why don't you depart then.

NICK 
Yeah, great idea. Come on, Hector, let's go. 
Boo!

Sound of thunder

NICK
Hector?

HECTOR 
Eh?

NICK 
Do you believe in horoscopes?

HECTOR 
Of course not.

NICK 
No, of course not. They're silly. "Beware of black hair and the number three.”

HECTOR 
Rubbish.

NICK 
Yeah! It could've meant: beware of those three witches we met at the party.

HECTOR 
Well, they did have black hair.

NICK 
Or those three trick-or-treaters.

CHILDREN
Trick or treat!

NICK 
Or the black cat. Huh! 
What was that noise?

HECTOR 
Probably the wind.

NICK 
Yeah, wind. Hector?

HECTOR 
Eh?

NICK 
Can I get into your bed?

HECTOR 
OK.

 

Sound of whimpering

NICK 
I'm not afraid of the dark.

HECTOR 
Nor am I.

NICK 
I've only got one torch. It's good to share. 
Ah, the storm's finished.

HECTOR 
Shh! What's that noise?

NICK 
It's in the room!

HECTOR 
It's getting nearer!

Sound of footsteps/knocking on door

NICK 
Who's that?

HECTOR 
I don't know. Nick, there is something touching my legs.

NICK 
Well, it's not me!

HECTOR 
I know, but there is something touching my legs!

NICK 
Aarrghhh!

ANNIE 
Bernard, did you hear that scream?

BRIDGET
What are you doing?

BERNARD
I think Marbles is in there.

ANNIE 
Right, we're going in. Hector? Nick? What's the matter?

BERNARD 
Marbles! There you are! How’s your cold?

ANNIE 
Are you two OK? What's wrong?

BRIDGET
What’s wrong? Has the cat got your tongue?

 

COMMENTARY [v.o.]

Next time in EXTRA, Nick goes shopping, Hector tells Annie the truth, 
and why has Bridget got so many admirers? EXTRA, don't miss it!