NICK 
Nearly ready. Oh, there we are! Oh, perfect! Now - the living room! 
Oh, there! Just there! Oh, yeah, perfect, baby! Now, refreshments! 
Ha-haa! Cola - yes! Crisps - yes! And finally, mwah! 
Dial-A-Pizza - yes! Ohh! Only two hours to go!

BRIDGET 
Nick!
What is your television doing in my bathroom?

NICK 
Oh, hi Bridget. So I don't miss anything.

BRIDGET 
Miss anything?

NICK 
Yeah, if I have to, you know, when the match is on.

BRIDGET 
Oh, the match. So who's playing today?

NICK 
It's the semi-finals. England...

BRIDGET 
Versus...?

HECTOR 
Ar-gen-tina!

NICK 
Hey, Hector, great outfit - but wrong team! Ha-haaa!

HECTOR  & NICK
Oooohhhh!

NICK 
And I've got my lucky World Cup pants on. Ooh-ooh-ooohhh!

BRIDGET 
Your lucky World Cup pants?

NICK 
Yup. I don't change them when the World Cup is on.

BRIDGET 
But it lasts for weeks.

NICK 
Yeah! 
So, Hector, I've got the refreshments ready - Cola, crisps...

BRIDGET 
TV in the bathroom.

HECTOR 
At what time is kick-off?

NICK 
Midday.

HECTOR 
Oh, we had better sit down then!

ANNIE 
Hello, everyone. Charlie and I are ready for the match.

HECTOR 
Oh, Annie, you look nice!

BRIDGET 
Your ribbons are different.

ANNIE 
That's right. One for England and one for Argentina.

HECTOR 
Oh, how sweet.

NICK 
But of course England will win.

HECTOR 
I don't think so, Nick.

NICK 
We beat Jamaica 4-2.

HECTOR 
But we beat Italy 3-0.

NICK 
Well, our strikers are the best in the world.

HECTOR 
But your defence is poor.

NICK 
No, it's not.

HECTOR 
Yes, it is.

NICK 
It's not! It's not! It's not!

HECTOR 
It is! It is! It is!

ANNIE 
Break! 
And now make friends.

 

Sound of dog barking

BRIDGET 
Oh, you're so childish. Miguel arrives today. At least he's a real man.

NICK 
Yeah, but he loves football too.  [Sound of telephone ringing]  … 
A Spanish supporter.

BRIDGET 
Hello?

NICK 
We'll beat them, in the final.

BRIDGET 
Nick, for you. Your agent.

NICK 
Ooh, goodie! Hi, Cameron. How are you? Good. 
An audition? For me? Hey-hey! What for? London On Fire? 
The soap? Yessss! When? Today? At midday? Where? Birmingham? 
But that's 100 miles away! No, of course I'm pleased! 
OK, thank you! Bye!

ANNIE 
An audition for London On Fire? That's brilliant!

HECTOR 
Yeah, you must be pleased, man.

NICK 
Yes, I am. 
I am very, very pleased. 
I am so happy.

HECTOR 
I can see that.

NICK 
Why today? Why this afternoon? Why in Birmingham? What about the football?

BRIDGET 
Oh, it's only a football game.

NICK 
Bridget, there are some people who think that football is a matter of life and death. 
It isn't. It is much-more important-than-that!

BRIDGET 
Don't go to the audition then.

NICK 
Don't go? Don't go? I must go. Drama is my life.

ANNIE 
Look, Nick, we can record it for you.

HECTOR 
Yeah, and we won't tell you the score.

NICK 
Really? You won't tell me the score. You promise?

ANNIE 
Promise.

HECTOR 
Promise.

BRIDGET 
OK, promise.

NICK 
OK! I will go - and perform for England!

BRIDGET [Composing email] 
World Cup! World Cup! World Cup! 
Today England play Argentina.

NICK 
But of course England will win.

BRIDGET [Composing email] 
Do I care?

HECTOR & NICK
Ooooooohhhhh!

NICK [Composing email] 
The good news is: I have an audition for London On Fire. 
I am so happy.

NICK
Yesss!

NICK [Composing email]
The bad news is: it's in Birmingham this afternoon, 
so I won't see the semi-final! What a tragedy!

NICK
I am so happy! [Sobbing noises]

BRIDGET 
I don't believe it. It's a very, very bad hair day. 
Oh, and Miguel is arriving this evening. 
It's a disaster. 
Ohhh! It's a catastrophe. 
I said, it's a catastrophe.

HECTOR 
What is a catastrophe?

ANNIE 
Bridget's hair.

HECTOR 
Oh.

BRIDGET 
Got to do something. 
I know - Carol! She'll help me.

VOICE ON TELEVISION
...we've got all the action coming up.

 

BRIDGET 
Hello? Carol? Bridget here. Look, this is an emergency. 
I need a hair appointment. I need a style that a Spanish football fan will adore. 
You can? Oh, goodie. 
I'll see you at 5 o'clock. 
Sorted!

VOICE ON TELEVISION
...this semi-final we're seeing the two giants of football, 
England and Argentina...

BRIDGET 
Come on, England!

HECTOR 
Come on, Argentina!

VOICE ON TELEVISION 
...but that strong team. England ... ... ... I think ... ... score! 
Yes! It looks like it - aww! Oh! Now, Argentina, have they got ... ... .. 
They're looking dangerous! They've got through the defence and, and they score! 
Come on, England. They've got to pull themselves together. 
And who's this? Look at him. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... match 
and England have ... ... ... and yes! ... ... ...! ... ... ... 
BRIDGET 
Wow! What a game!

ANNIE
Yeah, it was fantastic!
Oh, poor Hector.
Argentina did very well against England.

BRIDGET
Yeah, but not well enough!

ANNIE
Ooh, we must not look too happy.
We promised Nick not to tell him the score and Hector, you must not look too sad. 
Come on, try to smile. Come on, snuggly-puppykins. Like this. Hmm, it'll do.

Sound of door opening

ANNIE
Oh, hi Nick.

NICK 
Hello.

BRIDGET 
Hi, Nick.

NICK 
Good match?

ANNIE 
You know, so-so.

BRIDGET
Yeah.

NICK 
Where's the tape?

 

BRIDGET 
Hector's got it.

NICK 
Where's Hector?

BRIDGET 
In your apartment.

NICK 
Oh. Bye then.

BRIDGET and ANNIE
Bye.

Sound of door slamming

ANNIE and BRIDGET
[Laughing/sound of handclapping]

NICK 
Hi, Hector.

HECTOR 
Nick, my friend, you are back.

NICK 
Is this is the football match?

HECTOR 
Yup.
What?

NICK 
You won, didn't you.

HECTOR 
Won what?

NICK 
The football. Argentina beat England, didn't they.

HECTOR 
Nick, I promised you I wouldn't say anything.

NICK 
But I know. You're so happy.

HECTOR 
No, I'm not.

NICK 
I knew it! I knew it! 
Oh, poor England, my country. Oh.

HECTOR 
Nick, you can watch the match on video.

NICK

Oh, I can't bear it. How, Hector, how could you? 
How could Argentina beat England? Ohh!

HECTOR 
Nick, just watch the tape.

BRIDGET 
Oh, I can't wait to see Miguel! I'm going to the hairdresser's 
to get my hair done for gorgeous Miguel. Bye!

Sound of telephone ringing
HECTOR 
Hello?

MIGUEL 
Hola, Hector, soy Miguel ?de Barcelona!

HECTOR 
Hola, Miguel, soy Hector ?de Argentina! O Bridget acaba de salir.

MIGUEL 
No, quiero hablar contigo. Necesito aprender ingles para Bridget.

HECTOR
OK, repeat after me - repita conmigo: “Bridget, you are so beautiful.”

MIGUEL 
"Bridget, you are so beautiful."

HECTOR 
"Bridget, I love your hair."

MIGUEL 
"Bridget, I love your hair."

HECTOR 
"And your smile."

MIGUEL 
"And your smile." 
Hector, muchas gracias!

HECTOR 
No problem, Miguel. See you later.

ANNIE 
Hector and Bridget! How could they?

BRIDGET [Composing email] 
I love football, especially our gorgeous English players. 
But I am sorry for Hector, because England beat Argentina. 

ANNIE
Argentina did very well against England.

BRIDGET
Yeah, but not well enough!

BRIDGET [Composing email]
Well, only a little bit sorry!

ANNIE [Composing email] 
Bridget is having a bad hair today and she is worried because 
Miguel is arriving this evening.

 

BRIDGET 
This is an emergency. I need a hair appointment. 
I need a style that a Spanish football fan will adore.

ANNIE [Composing email] 
But then I heard Hector talking to Bridget on the phone. He said she was beautiful.

HECTOR 
"Bridget, you are so beautiful."

ANNIE [Composing email] 
I don't understand.

Crashing and banging noises

HECTOR 
Annie. An-nie?

ANNIE 
Yes, Hector?

HECTOR 
Are you all right?

ANNIE 
Yes.

HECTOR 
Are you cross about something?

ANNIE 
Oh, why do you think that?

HECTOR 
Oh, Annie, come and sit down.

NICK [Watching football match]
Aagh/ooh/yes!!!

HECTOR 
Annie, have I done something wrong?

NICK [Watching football match] 
... ... ... Yessss! Wooohh! ... ... ...

HECTOR 
Well, if you don't tell me, I won't know.

ANNIE 
Oh, you know Hector. 
You know!

NICK 
Yessss! Yesssss! Yessss! We won! We won! We're in the final! 
Sorry, have I missed something?

ANNIE 
Bridget? 
Bridget, what's wrong? Why have you got a bag on your head?

BRIDGET 
Ohhh, ohhh!

ANNIE 
Come on, let's take it off.

BRIDGET 
Leave it!

ANNIE 
Is it your hair? 
Well, but it can't be that bad.

BRIDGET 
It is!

ANNIE 
Oh, come on.

BRIDGET 
Do you promise not to laugh?
ANNIE 
We promise. Don't we.

BRIDGET 
All right then, here goes.

ANNIE 
It's very... nice.

Sound of laughter

BRIDGET 
I knew it. I knew you'd laugh. Oh, it's a disaster. 
And Miguel will be here any moment.

Sound of door being knocked

BRIDGET
Ahhh! That’s him! Oh! He mustn’t see me like this!

ANNIE 
Miguel? Oh, come in! I'll just tell Bridget. Pssstt, Bridget! Miguel's here.

BRIDGET 
I don't want to see him. I can't.

ANNIE 
Trust me, Bridget, he will love your hair.

BRIDGET 
Miguel!

MIGUEL 
Bridget, you are so beautiful. I love your hair, and your smile.

BRIDGET 
I love your hair.

MIGUEL 
So, Spain versus England in the World Cup final. Poor old England.

NICK 
On the contrary, my Spanish friend. Prepare to die.

 

ANNIE 
Nick, please ask Hector to pass the crisps.

NICK 
Hector, Annie says can you pass the crisps.

HECTOR 
Ah-ah-ah-ah.
Please ask Annie why hasn't she spoken to me for two days.

NICK 
Annie, Hector says why haven't you spoken to him for two days.

ANNIE 
Tell him - hmm!

NICK 
She says - hmm!

BRIDGET 
Shhh! It's starting.

VOICE ON TELEVISION
....final between England and their arch-rivals Spain!

NICK 
Come on, England, come on.

BRIDGET 
Come on, Spain.

Assorted inaudible comments and noises

BRIDGET 
Go on!

VOICE ON TELEVISION
...and here's Spain - and it's a goal!

ALL
Yes!!/goal!!

VOICE ON TELEVISION
England have the ball. They are heading for gold. And it's...

HECTOR 
Annie?

VOICE ON TELEVISION
Now, the final...

HECTOR 
Can I ask you something?

ANNIE 
Yes, Hector?

HECTOR 
Have you ever thought about getting married?

ANNIE 
Who to?

HECTOR 
Oh, to someone - someone like -  me.

VOICE ON TELEVISION
...and he shoots and he scores!

NICK 
I don't believe it! What a match!

BRIDGET 
Oh, Spain played really well.

NICK 
Yeah, but not well enough!

BRIDGET 
Oh, poor Miguel. Speak to me in English again.

MIGUEL 
"Bridget, you are so beautiful. I love your hair and your smile."

NICK 
Is that all he knows?

HECTOR 
Yup, and I taught him.

ANNIE 
When?

HECTOR 
On the phone.

ANNIE 
Oh! You were on the phone to Miguel!

HECTOR 
Teaching him English.

ANNIE 
Oh, silly me. I thought you were talking to Bridget.

HECTOR 
Oh, Annie, there is only one person for me.

NICK 
Me?

HECTOR 
Well? 
Will you?

NICK 
Will she what?

HECTOR 
Marry me?

ANNIE 
Yes, Hector!

Whooping and shouting

 

COMMENTARY [v.o.]
Next time in EXTRA, Hector and Annie plan their wedding, 
Nick is in for a surprise, and guess who's coming from Argentina?

EXTRA, don't miss it!